Today marks 5 months and 2 weeks since my mother died. It's been so much longer since I was able to see her smile, feel her touch and hear her voice...yet somehow closing off the year in which I lost her makes me very sad and leaves me feeling utterly empty.
Life was so insanely busy and overwhelmingly hectic following her passing and only now, with a cluster of quiet days during the holiday season, have I had time to slow down...and think...and feel...and grieve.
The tears have arrived together with a deep and painful heartache...no-one will ever love you like your mother loves you (I know, because I am a mother, and no-one can love my daughters as I do) and I have lost mine.
And though I am sad, and desperately long for the days when I took her hugs and devotion for granted, I know that she is with me...watching over me like a guardian angel from behind the pink and gold-edged clouds that greet me almost every morning as I drive to work...I hear her voice softly guiding me in the back of my mind...and I take great comfort knowing that she is forever in my heart.
So goodbye 2015, goodbye to the challenges that knocked me about but didn't knock me down...goodbye to the loss and the sadness and the heartache...
2016 is the Year of the Monkey...so was 1968 - the year I was born. A little voice in the back of my mind told me that this is my year to celebrate successes and soar to new heights...and I'd like to think that my mother will be with me, smiling and celebrating from her new home in my heart.